May I have your attention please

May I have your attention please

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up

I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whoopin her a*s worse than before

They first were divorce throwin her over furniture

Ahh

It's the return of the Ah wait no way you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did did he

And Dr Dre said nothing you idiots

Dr Dre's dead he's locked in my basement

Ha ha

Feminist women love Eminem

Slim Shady I'm sick of him

Look at him walkin around grabbin his you know what

Flippin the you know who Yeah but he's so cute though

Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose but can't

But it's cool for tom green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips my bum is on your lips

And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel don't they

We ain't nothing but mammals Well some of us cannibals

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records

Well I do so f**k him and f**k you too

You think I give a d**n about a Grammy

Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me

But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird

Why So you guys could just lie to get me here

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears

S**t Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to carson daly and fred durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

You little b***h put me on blast on MTV

Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim hee hee

I should download her audio on MP3

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me who just don't give a f**k like me

Who dress like me walk talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

I'm like a head trip to listen to cause I'm only givin you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

I just s**t it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums

It's funny cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting

Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens

And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin

He could be workin at Burger King spittin on your onion rings

Or in the parkin lot circling

Screaming I don't give a f**k

With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time loud as you can how does it go

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

F**k it let's all stand up